Well the deal with last night is this:

The friend that mom was supposed to stay with wont let her keep her cats, on top of that she doesn’t really want mom there period (this is coming from mom). Mom doesn’t want to be in a place where her friend doesn’t want her to be there so that option has flown out the window. She, apparently, doesn’t have any other friends to go to. What she was initially talking about was packing up the cats and going to Medford, showing up on her mom-in-laws doorstep. Even though she hasn’t talked to her in three years… bah.

Now on top of things I just realized that the apartment complex hasn’t taken out half of this months rent… which I gave them a check 5 days ago. So I’m $350 shy of what I thought I had last night. CRAP! Right now our last ditch effort is to find another smaller place that my mom can afford to maintain and I’ll pay for it initially… with money I’ll have to borrow… I hate that. I already owe my dad for the last two times… I intend to pay him back fully. What’s depressing is that the only time I get around to calling him is when I’m in this kind of trouble….

…off thought

It’s not as tho I don’t think of my father. It’s just that I want good things to be happening when I talk to him. I’m getting a new car. I’m moving out. I had a really great day/week at work. I usually hold out until the good things happen then I can tell him. But often times shit hits the fan and I pass on calling him or I’m forced to call and ask for help. I don’t know how my parents did this on such a constant basis with my grandfather. I would cause physical harm to myself before I asked for money from my grandpa… he has a way of making you feel even more wretched than you already do when you appear to be irresponsible with money.

…on thought

on top of this, I didn’t have such a great weekend at work. I effed up and did some things stupidly. I have to suck it up and learn from my mistakes. As if I don’t have enough to think about… I only got a few hours of sleep last night too… oh me. Oh life. If it wasn’t hard it wouldn’t be worth while, right?


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